Seattle Space Needle

Last night my husband took me and our daughter to Sky City restaurant (which is at the top of the space needle) It was incredible! The food was amazing...and I may have over done it lol...I had the meyer ranch prime angus tenderloin which included bacon-chanterelle fondue, roasted brussels sprouts and rainbow potatoes. Now brussels sprouts aren't my favorite but I also don't hate them and I have eaten them many times in my life. However these brussels sprouts were AWFUL and I don't know why! I tried one and just couldn't get it down so had to discretely spit it into my napkin, which was totally embarrassing. Fortunately my husband liked them so he ate the rest for me. But I digress, the food really WAS amazing and I just couldn't get enough (at 59 dollars a plate it better be good) The tenderloin was juicy and cooked to perfection, the potatoes were soft and when dipped in the bacon-chanterelle just heaven. now speaking of the bacon-chanterelle...I have no idea what that is haha but it was a sauce they spread on the plate and I could not get enough of it! My tummy is growling now thinking of this amazing food! We ordered The Lunar Orbiter dessert (which I will post a photo of at the end) for our daughter and husband to share and I got crème brulee which was a real treat as I have never had it before! Then we went up to the observation deck and looked out over Seattle as if we were flying over the world. I highly suggest going to the space needle and eating in their restaurant at least once in your life if you get the chance! Ok on to the pictures!

Here is the photo of the space needle that I took before we went up!

Ok so this was the amazing food! Just looking at the photo makes my mouth water!

Here was my delicious crème brulee as you can see I started eating before the photo was taken haha!

And finally here is the Lunar Orbiter. It is a bowl of ice cream atop some dry ice! My daughter did NOT know what to do with it! She was entranced!
Another really cool thing they were doing is taking complimentary photos that you could either purchase in the gift shop with frames or they would email them to you and then you could print them at home (that's why the last photo has their logo on it) We bought two photos and also had them sent to my email. I thought it was really a neat thing that they did that! Ok folks that is all from me for now! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Success!!

My Thanksgiving was successful! I stayed under my calories while still eating yummy food and getting full! I had some lovely time with my sister and we planned the day we can go shopping together (she thinks we will be able to share clothes haha) I told my dad I lost the 20 and he was very proud of me which made me so happy. Going back to my parents house tomorrow to see my brother and his family and then my husband is taking me on a date. Hoping for a good time! Ok folks I've got To get to relaxing! Haha logging out!

Ms.Jess

Happy Thanksgiving!

And it sure is indeed! I lost the last .7 today totalling........YOU GUESSED IT! 20 pounds lost! WOOOO HOOOO! I am psyched! I am so proud of myself! Ok off to Thanksgiving! If you're celebrating I wish you a happy time (and hopefully no drunk uncles lol) ok everyone! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Font Change

Ok everyone! I don't know if anyone will even notice but I had to change the font. The exclamation points just looked like extra L's and I's haha...I have been meaning to change it but whenever I remembered I was on my phone or iPad and not able to. So hopefully it is easier for you to read now. Also I figured it was about time to post another graph update for a visual look at my weight loss! Ok all logging out!

 

Ms.Jess

 

Wishful Wednesday!

Ok folks! I am going to start something new that I'm calling Wishful Wednesday! On Wednesdays I am going to post a photo of something I wish that I had. It will probably be mostly fashion related but that's what I usually wish I had lol! On another note I am still not loosing weight for whatever god awful reason and I am trying not to get frustrated about it. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I really want to be able to tell my dad that I've lost the whole 20 pounds!  Praying for the drop tomorrow! Please, please, please! Any way onto my Wishful Wednesday photo!

Logging out!

 

Ms.Jess

Feeling Über Crappy Today...

I've been trying to lift my spirits but I'm just feeling really gross today. For at least a week my face has been looking considerably thinner to me but today with my hair and make up 'done' my face looks HUGE! My eyes look small and my face fat and ugly. On top of that my stomach has really been topsy turvy today and more then once I've felt kind of puky (and I don't puke...literally). And to top all of THAT my entire body has just felt gross and fat. It's one of those days where no matter what I do I feel disgusting. I can't wait for this day to be over. And on another note my dog peed on my living room carpet a few days ago and I've shampooed the carpet twice and I can still smell the pee. I'm pretty sure she also just peed in her kennel so I'll have all that stuff to wash now too (including the dog). I think I just need to go to bed. Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Am I Even Really a Girl?!

So no, this does not really mean what it sounds like lol. YES I am a girl but sometimes the my lack of knowledge in anything girly really has me questioning if I should be a girl!!! (not really but it is frustrating). So this morning I figured out how to do the sock bun (I will put an instructional photo at the bottom) THEN I tried to do my makeup (insert very bummed face here) I'm not sure how long it is supposed to take but it took me like an hour, many eye pokes later I ended up with something resembling black eyeliner smashed on the outer corners of my eyes and then gold sparkles thrown on my eyelids... I am so bummed! My eyes hurt from all the poking, prodding and wiping up of mistakes...I also got a bit of soap in my eyes while removing those mistakes I spoke of...I LOVE girly things like make up and hair but when it comes to actually doing these things I totally suck! I can put on mascara and straighten my hair and that's really it. I can put together killer cute outfits but as of right now I cant even wear those cute outfits! Its a never ending vicious cycle! *cries*

You Can Contact Me Now!

Ok so I pulled a page out of that woman's blog I wrote about in my last entry and I made an email specifically for my readers to contact me if they wish. Here you go my throngs of adoring fans! *snicker*

fatladysinging@hotmail.com

Ok guys, Logging out!

Ms.Jess

I Feel Like a Failure

Even thought I went and read a whole article about why you shouldn't weigh yourself every day because of all the factors that go into your actual weight each day....I still do it, and I'm still disappointed a lot of the time. One of the big ones was that how much water you drink each day can affect your weight considerably. If I drink say only a cup or two of water a day my body is going to hold onto water thus making the number on the scale go up. If I drink plenty of water then my body will not hold onto that water making the number go down (hopefully). These revelations kind of help but don't really put any sort of positive spin onto the number on the scale creeping upwards these days. I am not even going to say what my weight was this morning but I am not happy about it. I don't know how it keeps happening but I am very frustrated. Maybe I just need to drink more water..... I suppose it would be better if I only weighed myself once a week at the most but I have a very hard time with self control (obviously) and I am an adult will full access to my scale at all times. How am I supposed to NOT weigh myself daily?!? Whatever, I will just have to get over it...I have been logging food for close to a month now (I think in 2 days it will be a month) and I cant give up now. I am going to be visiting my parents for Thanksgiving and I really, REALLY want to be able to tell my dad that I have lost 20 pounds. He will be so proud of me no matter what but I really want to blow him away, 20 pounds in 1 month is nothing to sneeze at (not sure if that's the proper saying but it makes me giggle so it stays). Onto a new topic, I stumbled upon a blog called Living ~400lbs | … and believe me I am still alive I'm not really sure HOW I found this blog but I think it was when I was researching different reasons the number on the scale varies. This blog is about a woman who weighs about 400 pounds and is doing NOTHING to change it. I am not putting her down, it takes a lot of strength to accept who you are in this world especially when the world is SO cruel. On the other hand I literally and completely do NOT understand why she isn't trying to change it. I will however blame that way of thinking solely on myself because I hate everything about being fat, EVERYTHING! And I can not imagine being ok living like that, but like I said that is on ME not her, I kinda envy her for her courage. The blog is very interesting and I have barely skimmed through the entries but I will probably read some more in my down time. Ok folks, I think that is all I have for now hope you all have a great day! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

So Tired.....

I am tired, I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow but I'm not too optimistic. I am still counting calories diligently and doing alright. Not perfect but I don't expect it. I'm heading to couch (husband and I do not have a bedroom currently) I don't expect to get great sleep but meh tis life haha. Hoping for a good day tomorrow, more then just weight loss! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

I Ruined My Life!!!!

Waaahhhh! I was 283.3 this morning! That like 1.2 more then yesterday! How is it THAT easy to gain weight! It's not fair! Waahhh I expected a slight weight gain but not more then a pound! This. SUCKS! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Might Have Set Myself Back :(

I may have set my progress back and what for?! ROOT BEER. Ugh...ok it's not that bad but it's still not great. Here is the story, we went to Panda Express today and I did great. I only ate about a third of the food on my plate (they give you HUGE portions). I ate until I was full and then boxed the rest, which my daughter ate later lol. Later my husband and I went to see the new Hunger Games movie and I had a medium pretzel and about 2/3rds of a 5oz bowl of nacho cheese. AND ALONG CAME ROOT BEER. we got the larges (52oz I think) and I didn't intend to drink the whole thing but 2 hours is a long time and I just kind of slowly sucked down the whole dang thing. I am hoping that I did not undo any of my progress I am SOOO close to my first goal! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

It's Taunting Me!!!

I feel like my body knows how close I am to 20 pounds lost that it is intentionally making the pounds creep off instead of melt off. I lost .8 today, I am at 281.1 and I'm so frustrated. Just come off already!! Lol. On another note I relaxed my hair yesterday which was a disaster. It worked on my natural hair but totally fried my hair that had been previously bleached. So instead of all silky smooth hair I have silky on top and fried on bottom and I am so pissed. I am not bleaching my hair or dying it for a while now this is ridiculous haha. I guess I won't be wearing my hair down for a while! Anyway I'm going to see the Hunger Games movie today so logging out!

Ms.Jess

FINALLY a Drop!!!

I lost a while 1.3 today!!!! I am so proud I FINALLY lost the amount I was expecting to lose! I have a really busy day today and I'm not super excited. My husband had to pass on overtime today because the breaks on my car need replaced TODAY and we can't put it off any longer.  I'm disappointed we couldn't put it off until the first of the year like originally planned. It really came at the worst time with Christmas coming up and I always have big plans for Christmas and getting only the back brakes fixed today is going to be $500 and we were going to do some Christmas shopping today while the kids are at school but now I'm not sure we can. Well wish me luck on today! Logging out! 

Ms.Jess

Quick Post

Ok I'm going to make this quick as it's almost midnight and I'm super tired. I weighed myself tonight before my shower and I was the same that I was this morning so fingers crossed I will lose weight tomorrow!!! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Feeling Sick

Ugh so this morning at weigh in I was 283.2 so I lost a little bit which is great but I'm feeling so run down lately. Super tired and sluggish, headaches and everything. I'm wondering if it's my new medication. Well anyway I just ate a slice of bread with a tablespoon of honey on it (haven't eaten yet today) and after I ate it my stomach hurt so bad. I don't think that is a good sign but I'm not sure exactly what it could mean. I'm starting to fear eating, only eating when I absolutely have to. I am worried my brain might be taking this too far. Well I'm gonna go relax with the pup. Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Slow it Goes...

Ok...this is slightly discouraging but I only lost .1 today. I was under calories yesterday and I don't really know why I didn't loose more. I guess that's alright but I'm so close to my 20 pounds lost that when I didn't loose much it made me sad :( I guess I'll need to step it up today. I wish it wasn't so cold outside. My hands get frozen in 2 minutes and my daughter shouldn't spend much time outside even bundled up. Well I'm gonna go get stuff done! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Wrapping Up The Day

The day is over and I was a little under my allotted calorie so that was awesome. I am soooo close to being 20 pounds lighter and I can NOT wait! 

New subject lol. I thought of more things that I hate about being fat. When I shower I have to wash under my fat roll which is degrading in itself. I also have to lift my boobs and wash under them as well. Drying under my fat and boobs is awful. It kinda hurts and is very uncomfortable. I can't wash my back very well which is not comforting. I also hate fat my fat hands and my fat feet. My feet used to be one of my favorite parts of my body (I know weird) but now they are chubby and gross. The one good thing is that my face has thinned a teeny bit. Not a lot but enough for me to notice. I can't wait for the day I don't look like a fat blob in sweatpants. Ok bed time for me! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Strange Feelings...

So, I've started feeling very weird and just as of this moment right now realized it. I'm starting to feel like every time I eat for I am definitely going to gain weight. Even if I'm well within my calorie limits. I am making tortilla chips right now with half a cup of refried beans for a small snack. I haven't eaten anything all day but my brain keeps screaming "Don't eat! Don't eat! You'll get fat!!!" My heart kind of hurts with the conflict of reality and my minds made up notions. What is going on?! I know the truth, why is it so hard to tell myself otherwise?

In a Funk

So yesterday especially I was feeling really down in the dumps and I lacked the motivation to do anything. Any other time I probably would have quit my diet and ate something bad but I kept my black book close by and was under my allotted calorie intake. I lost another pound an I'm down to 16.3 pounds lost total which it huge. I'm just struggling to find my motivation again. I'm in a funk. Let me out! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Lets Talk About Boobs

I HATE boobs...well specifically MY boobs lol. Once I get to my target weight, if my boobs haven't reduced to be at MOST a C cup I am getting a reduction. Big boobs are bothersome, annoying lumps of fat hanging off your chest. They honesty legitimately get in my way every day. I want small boobs. I want to be able to go without a bra and not have saggy sacs of fat hanging to my belly button! What are your views of boobs? Would you get a reduction (would you support a partner getting a reduction). Let me know! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Nope Nope Nope

Sooooo...I didn't lose that .3 last night but I didn't gain anymore then that so that's good. I'm hoping for a better day today, I'm starting off with a health juice chocked full of vitamins. Hopefully can go for a walk if it warms up at all. Be back later to update. Logging out!

Ms.Jess

I Think I Did It

Of course I won't know until the morning but I think I will be loosing weight! I weighed myself tonight before my shower and I was 284.8, only .3 above what I was this morning. Usually it's much more then .3! I am optimistic about tomorrow morning. I should go to bed soon as I am starting to feel hunger pains and I do not want to eat at midnight for sure! That's a recipe for disaster! Logging off!

Ms.Jess 

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep.......

Well I failed again...I didn't go on that walk. But NOT because I was passed out on the couch I a food coma haha! I had a bit of cleaning up to do around the house before the next week starts and I just finished a few minutes ago and sadly it is dark. I don't like the dark and my dog is a cry baby 'fraidy cat so she wouldn't be much protection against potential attackers. I am hoping the vacuuming and tromping up and down the stairs to do laundry is enough to get me out of the red. I will not be eating anything else today and I didn't eat anything before Golden Corral so eating out was the only time I ate (I am positive I went over my allowed calories). Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm gonna go hydrate! Logging Out!

Ms.Jess

With Success Comes....Failure?

Well folks I messed up...I went to Golden Corral buffet today :( I told my husband I wanted it and then we were on our way. I didn't mean TAKE me when I said I wanted it. I just meant I was craving it at the moment. Well ugh we went and I didn't even put up a fight. Thankfully I didn't stuff myself as bad as I would have in the past but I did over eat and now I feel sick to my stomach to be honest. I am going home and then taking the pup on as long of a walk as I can manage to hopefully undo some of the damage I did this afternoon. On a brighter note I lost another pound making my total loss 15.5 pounds. I can't wait until that number says 20 it will be a dream come true. Hopefully I didn't set myself back too fat today. Time to buckle down and get back on the grind! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Eating Out Do's and Do's

A lot of people will tell you that while trying to loose weight you should NOT eat out. Something about "temptation" and "bad food" well to that I say phooey! Today my husband took me out to Olive Garden and I have to say it was a successful trip. Usually I get the chicken parmigiana, this time however I did not. I knew the portion was too large and that I would probably over eat if the plate was in front of me. I  instead opted for a veggie lasagna off the "light" menu. Sidebar! If you didn't know (I did not) Olive Garden has a "light" menu where everything is 570 calories or less, this is the menu I ordered from. I'm thinking this is a new thing as it looked like the menu had been revamped recently. I brought my little black book and calculated all the calories BEFORE I ordered my food. I did not want to go over or use all the rest of my calories at once. I had one serving of chicken gnocchi soup, half a breadstick and almost all of my lasagna (which was just a smaller portion of food). I got pretty full at the end and left a few bites on my plate. We then did a little shopping, came home and packed the baby into the stroller, hooked the dog to her leash and went on a 45 min walk.... Nothing strenuous, just a nice easy walk down town. Later this evening I got pretty hungry so I had a small can of tuna with a tablespoon of mayo, a smidge of mustard and a dash of seasoning salt. All in all I am 230 calories under my 1550 target. Hoping for more weight loss tomorrow! Logging out!

Ms. Jess

So Close I Can Taste It!

I stepped on the scale this morning and guess what! I was down another pound and a half! I was 715 calories under my 1550 limit. No I didn't eat a lot but I really wasn't hungry and I didn't want to eat food just to fill the calories. My current weight is 285.4, I am so proud of myself. I am so close to having lost 20 pounds which will be huge for me i'm actually only 5.4 pounds away from a 20 pound loss. I'll hopefully have that down by the end of next week! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

My Assessment of Overeaters Anonymous

Plain and simple this program is not for me. The whole concept of the program is essentially that you are a compulsive overeater and there's nothing you can do about it. That doesn't quite sit right with me, I don't really believe that there's nothing you can do about it. I have not, however, done any sort of 12 step program before, so possibly if I had this make more sense to me. Take a program like weight watchers for example. Their philosophy is that you have this problem but there's no need for it to affect your life negatively. This means that if you want to have that piece of cake then you can, you just have to know that it will affect the rest of your day as far as how much more you can eat. I like the idea of changing my lifestyle rather than accepting it to be unchangeable. I do believe that compulsive overeating is a serious problem, I don't know if I would say disease like overeaters anonymous said it was. That being said I believe that with the right amount of willpower strength and determination you can do anything. I believe that it's an illnesses of the mind, like depression and anxiety etc. you wouldn't tell someone with depression "well you're screwed you're gonna have depression no matter what you do, so you need to stop doing all the things that make you sad". That's what they told me last night in overeaters anonymous. One lady spoke about how she loves sweets, but she cannot have them anymore because that's her trouble food. I don't want to deprive myself of things that make me happy, food is one of them. I need to change my lifestyle so I know what healthy moderation is. I need to retrain my mind to know that taking a smaller piece of cake isn't going to kill me, and that taking that smaller piece a cake versus the huge one is going to be better for my body. Why should I avoid anything with sugar in it for the rest of my life, I think that's improbable. Maybe I'm not ready for the first step, and who knows I could have some huge epiphany later down the road. But right now I don't really believe their philosophy. I'm not going to tell myself I don't have control. I made myself this way and I myself can turn it around, I can accept that I'm a compulsive overeater but I won't accept that there's nothing I can do about it. Logging out!

Ms.Jess

My Scale is on Time Out!

So I got home after my doctors appointment and weighed myself (I haven't ate breakfast yet). Well the scale gave a number that I was actually expecting this morning. And that number was 286.9!!!! Wahoo! I am beyond excited about this, that's a whole pound lost from yesterday. I have surpassed my previous loss of 12 pounds by 1.1 pound! Making a grand total of 13.1 pounds lost. I feel like this is a huge deal for me. I think I need to go get the pom-poms out and cheer on the street corner. (Which I totally won't do for self-preservation reasons). I'm going to show a picture of my little black book at the end of this entry. It may be annoying to carry that thing around,write in it every time something goes in my mouth but the annoyances are paying off. So back to the doctor thing. According to her scale i've only lost 5 pounds but the last time I was in the doctors office I weighed less than 300 pounds. I marked the start of my weight loss journey at 300 pounds because that's the highest I've been and I yo-yoed between 300 and 295 a lot. So for me it's a loss of 13.1 pounds not 5 pounds. Also great news, I told my doctor about how in my freshman year of high school my mom had me in weight watchers and it really helped (Lost 30 pounds). But I told her that the financial burden of enrolling in the program made it impossible right now. To which she told me if my insurance covered it she can prescribe weight watchers!! How incredible would that be?! She said that she was going to look into it on her end and I should look into it on my end as well. I will be calling my insurance company Monday! Also she opened my eyes to a program called Overeaters Anonymous's. I guess it's pretty much like Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous, a support group for people struggling with the same thing you are. There are actually quite a few meetings in my area, and if my husband home from work in time I will be going to one tonight hopefully! Maybe some of you (if anyone's actually reading) could use the help of a group like that. I didn't know it existed until today so hopefully I can pass that knowledge on to you if you need it. That's all I had to say for now. Logging out!

Ms. Jess

High Blood Pressure & Gained Weight

So I'm sitting at the doctors office and they just took my blood pressure, which was, surprisingly, high (I say surprisingly because it never has been before). I kind of expect it every time but it usually is fine. I definitely think my doctor is going to be tearing me a new one on my weight (hopefully gently). I weighed myself this morning and I was 291!!!!! I went from 287.9 to 291 overnight and I was EXTREMELY careful about what I ate yesterday and I was waaaayy below my allotted caloric intake for the day. What the actual fudge, this is the stuff the frustrates me. If I'd had a large meal at Burger King yesterday I'd be expecting weight gain! I am more then a little frustrated to be honest, ugh why does this weight loss have to be so complicated! I will post something later about my doctors visit. Hopefully good news (hopefully some help from doc) Logging out!

Ms.Jess

It's Hard to ____ When You're Obese

Well by now it's no mystery that I am a night owl. I find the silence and darkness peaceful (possibly because the kids are asleep! Ha!). That being said I just took a shower and was thinking about things that have become very difficult for me to do since I've gained so much weight. So here's the list. 

1.) Shaving- Not just my legs, my armpits too...my stomach gets in the way for my legs and my arm fat gets in the way for my arm pits. I know it's not a pretty visual but it's the truth and the truth is ugly, but so is my fat. 

2.) Painting Toenails- nearly impossible, the same obstructing fat roll that prevents easy leg shaving is also at play here. 

3.) Getting off the Couch- oh the horror...it takes some serious oomph to get my fat butt off the couch. You'd think I'd quit sitting there so much but no, I never learn. 

4.) Climbing Stairs- even just a few! 

5.) Getting Dressed- Depending on the speed at which I get dressed sometimes I get winded...also putting on pants can be difficult. 

6.) Tying Shoes- I have to sit (on a chair) with my legs spread wide to accommodate my big belly, just so I can get low enough to tie my shoes. Again, not a pretty visual but the truth.

 

That's all I can think of as I sit here watching (being distracted) my show. If I think of more I make a continuance of this list. Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Yams and More Yams

Just a quick update on my candied yams. They were dry and hard to eat much of to be honest. I followed my moms recipe (which I loved growing up). Does anyone have a good recipe? Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Taking Walks and Naughty Dogs

Finally took that walk tonight...it wasn't a very long walk but it was nice except for my irritating canine who likes to pull with all her might on the leash. Now sitting at home relaxing, watching Hemlock Grove and cooking yams for my dinner. I hope you're all having a good night as well! Logging out!

Ms. Jess

Shopping (and other girly things)

A few weeks ago my husband took me out to get a new pair of long pants as the one pair I own have holes that I've patched (on the inner thigh, a plague only big women know). We went to two stores, the first being Target where I almost gave up instantly upon seeing the vast amounts of incredibly cute winter clothes that I would NOT be wearing this year. I meandered my way over to the "women's" section (the change of name from "plus size" does not make me feel better) and found nothing...surprising. I then stooped even lower and looked through the maternity section. Materntity pants often have that nifty front panel that supports the belly and since my stomach roll hangs so low, my pants have to be pulled up past my belly button I thought maternity pants would work perfectly....unfortunately the Target maternity section was a bust as well. I walked out of Target, tears glistening in my eyes as I ran my hands along the fur vests and lace dresses hanging in the "skinny people section". I the. Told my husband I wanted to go home...that this was a sign I wasn't deserving of new clothes and should just loose weight instead. He convinced me to go to one more store after I threw a small fit and shed a few tears. We then went to Khols and I grudgingly searched the 10x20 section of plus size clothes. I consider that trip a tiny success as I found pants that fit and went up high enough and fit alright...BUT....they were too small at the bottom, thus making me look as though I was attempting to wear a pair of skinny legged pants. Something I am not fond of on overweight persons. I left feeling defeated and pointed out to my husband the vast quantity of clothes they make for people who do not surpass size 12-14...I did not buy pants that night and continue to wear the patched pants washing them every other day...they surely won't last much longer. 

On to another new frustrating topic for me...hair, make-up, hair products, skin products and fancy stanch girl stuff...I LOVE this stuff but when it comes to all of it I am completely lost in every single possible way...I can't do make up, I can't do anything but straighten my hair and I'm lost every time I step into the beauty section of a store...I can out together a really cute outfit on someone else (not myself for obvious "the clothes don't fit" reasons) and I can do someone else's hair on a mediocre level (getting better) this is all stuff I desperately want. I want to be that really cute girl with the perfect hair, make-up and clothes that walks down the street but that's not even in the realm of possibilities for me. They don't make plus size clothes to fit plus size people...they usually make them only wider instead of wider and longer. Plus plus size clothes are usually ugly and granny like. I'm only 22 for petes sake! Hair and makeup I could figure out. But I am too self conscious right now to wear much other then mascara and do more then throw my hair into a pony tail. All in due time I suppose. I will attach a photo of an outfit I found online that I absolutely am green with envy over haha. Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Getting Things Done

I lost .1 of a pound today and was 70 calories under yesterday and I haven't been under in a few days so that was nice. My goal for today is to take a nice long walk with the kid and pup. I am going to attach a photo of my weight loss progress in graph form so you can see just how bad I'm yo-yoing haha. I will try to attach a graph photo every week or so to show you how I'm doing. I took a few supplements today (green coffee bean, lipozene) I don't really believe that they do or do not work but I had them from around a year ago and thought they couldn't hurt, lord knows I need a boost in the weight loss department! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

Green Tea!

Yuk! Honestly I can't stand green tea I think it tastes like grass and dirt haha. That being said I read somewhere on the interwebs that green tea can help boost weight loss. I bought some green tea tonight and made myself a cup with 2 teaspoons of sugar. It was AWEFUL. I then looked up how to make green tea taste better and read cinnamon somewhere, so I grabbed the cinnamon and shook a little in the glass...I then had a cup of bitter grassy dirt. I did however manage to force the whole cup down but I'm not sure I can do it again tomorrow! 

On another note, I gained .3 pounds today and I'm bummed but I knew it was going to happen so it didn't derail me and my determination to have a better lifestyle. I was really shown how out of shape I am when I babysat a friends little baby today and it was very hard to get up and down to care for him and bouncing him to sleep knocked the wind out of me! It's a miracle I can keep up with my 2 year old on a daily basis! 

I am hoping to get out on walks more, I know my daughter and my pup will enjoy that, my T.V. May not but oh well it will have to deal! Haha. I walked to the park with my daughter yesterday and it was probably over a mile (maybe over two) and it was really cool not even that bad! Well I've got to go peel this honey face mask off my face! Logging out!

Ms.Jess

FAT! FAT! FAT!

 If there was one word that I had to use to describe myself FAT would be it. I have been fat my whole life but never like this. All through high school I weighed around 200-230 and when I was a freshman my mother put me in weight watchers and I lost 30 pounds...that however did not last. Things really went downhill when I met my now husband. I went from eating home cooked, healthy, well rounded meals to fast food more then I care to admit. His bad habits became my bad habits and in the 4 years that we have been together I have gained a whopping 70 pounds (possibly more) Now you do the math yourself as I am not quite ready to type that horrific number down and make it real. I truly believe that I was born in the wrong body! I love fashion and make up and hair but because of my weight I have never had the confidence to wear what I like or even put on more then mascara...I feel as though I have cheated myself out of so much in my life and it is time that I put my foot down...for the millionth time.  I in the last 2 years have tried loosing weight a few times and I loose 12 pounds and then plateau which leads me to give up waaaayyy too fast...I started October 26, 2014 and have so far lost 11.3 pounds and have plateaued for a few days but this time I am NOT letting it get me down. I am writing down everything that I shove down my throat and the calories that go with each bite, no matter if I am ashamed of what I ate...This is it I am done being FAT! I WILL wear those cute clothes I WILL wear heels I WILL wear makeup I WILL get my hair done I WILL make heads turn when I walk down the street... I am DONE being morbidly obese! Logging out!

Ms.Jess